neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
