I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it glows. i had to have it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
