Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
