Who wears a wallet chain?!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
