All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
