I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
