Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
