my vag is so smooth its legendary
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
