I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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