what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
did you just send me my own nude
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
