I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
