Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
