I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
