You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just pee around me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
