I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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