Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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