I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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