By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
