So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
