Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
