she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
