i permit you to call me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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