So drunk its hurt
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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