I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your topless pictures make me question reality
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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