We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
