FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
