you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
