and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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