Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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