If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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