i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
