this boner is exhausting
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
