The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
