your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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