If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
