My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
