Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Randomize
