Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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