I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
