Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
