She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
