He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
