Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
