I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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