I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
