dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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