I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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