whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
