I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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