I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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