This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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