yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
