it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
