I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My vagina is very pro this idea
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
