im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
