Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
