***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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