Don't make out with my wife yet
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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