I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
